Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Everclear isn't food dammit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
