Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
