Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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