I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
