That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
