Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
