Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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