dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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