My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
