Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
