o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
