Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
