Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
