Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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