It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
