So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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