is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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