If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
