Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At least life still wants to fuck me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
