As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
