you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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