I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize