I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
