now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
