I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
