just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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