Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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