My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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