And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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