I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
