so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
