Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
