Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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