there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
