i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
