Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
