just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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