I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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