Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize