its not stalking. its research.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
