omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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