shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
