i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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