Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
