just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
