You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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