please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
