are you so shy because you have an std?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
