She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
