I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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