if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
