Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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