what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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