I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
