can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
