FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
