we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my poor anus
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize