The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
