it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
