is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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