How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
