the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
