Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
