that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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