I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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