The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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