weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
