I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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