I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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